Openings in the Darkness
Over Sukkos, I found this piece in Kitzur Likutey Moharan I:9, that illuminates what I wrote about here.
"Even though he cannot pray at all because of the deep darkness that surrounds him, he should nevertheless be certain just to speak his words honestly, however low a level this may be. For example, he might say truthfully, "G-d, save me!" And even though he cannot even say that with appropriate enthusiasm and arousal, he should nevertheless force himself to at least say the words sincerely and simply, according to who he is. Then he will merit to see the openings in the darkness."
"Even though he cannot pray at all because of the deep darkness that surrounds him, he should nevertheless be certain just to speak his words honestly, however low a level this may be. For example, he might say truthfully, "G-d, save me!" And even though he cannot even say that with appropriate enthusiasm and arousal, he should nevertheless force himself to at least say the words sincerely and simply, according to who he is. Then he will merit to see the openings in the darkness."
4 Comments:
I too read that, also probably over Succos if you are learning the Kitzur according to the schedule that is printed there, and it too got me thinking, although not about Yom Kippur, but about my hisbodedut, and my inability to simply find any time to really do an hour of it, and instead just settling for a couple minutes after each Shemona Esrai, and at bedtime. Very frustrating.
DanielS82: Yes, I am learning it according to the schedule printed inside it. I find it to be a terrific dose of Rebbe Nachman each day!
As for hisbodedus, I have never been able to do an entire hour. Last year, I made a concerted effort to do just 10 minute a day without fail. I lasted a few months, however, unfortunately I stopped and do mini hisbodedus's throughout the day.
It really is a great dose of Rebbe Nachman, you are so correct in that! There have been a couple times where I have been able to do an hour, albeit while looking at my watch a couple times to see how I was doing, but off the top of my head that has only been twice, once on the day of my dad's brain surgery (BH he is doing fine and is doing about as well as he can do) and on Shavous. I really should just try and set aside 5 or 10 minutes thats not after davening or before sleep, and try and do it, but its hard to find that truly quiet, perfectly alone and uninterrupted time in a Yeshiva. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one struggling with this, which even though I knew before intellectually that was the case, it is still nice to hear about it.
There have been PLENTY of times that I just sat there in the file room on my lunch break; not being able to say anything.
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