Identity: A Year Later

Answering the question I posed a year ago, I would now say,

"I am not a chassid, but my Rebbe says that I am. That said, my Rebbe also says that he is not a chassid."

Do you really believe He hears you?

I have been taking a break from regular posting for the last two years in order to devote time to my book project, yet I have still been receiving numerous requests to post something over the past few months - both while I was in Uman and also during my annual visit last month to Boro Park to meet with the Sudilkover Rebbe.

In response to all of these requests, I would like to share the contents of a letter I received from the Rebbe:

Before Rosh Hashanah, the Sudilkover Rebbe sent out a letter containing his blessing for the new year along with a request that each person resist the urge to talk to others in shul during davening. It is known, the Rebbe wrote, that our main avodah in Elul and Tishrei involves the mitzvos bein adam l'chaveiro (mitzvos pertaining to our interaction with our fellow man). Indeed, these mitzvos should be the focus of our generation for the rest of the year as well in order to rectify the sinas chinam that destroyed the Beis HaMikdash.

Yet, how are these two ideas connected? If mitzvos bein adam l'chaveiro should be the focus of our generation, what is the purpose of placing our primary focus on a mitzvah that appears to fall into the category of bein adam l'Makom (between man and G-d)?

The Maggid of Koznitz wrote that a person who talks to others during davening can be compared to a person speaking with a king and suddenly diverts his attention to say, "Your Majesty, I can no longer speak with you, I must speak with someone that I desire to speak to." This, the Maggid of Koznitz taught not only causes the Shechinah to depart from him but also prevents the tefillos of the entire congregation from being received. From this story, the Sudilkover Rebbe said that it is apparent that talking to others during davening is not just an aveira bein adam l'Makom, it is also an aveira bein adam l'chaveiro.

The Sudilkover Rebbe wrote that he heard from the previous Lelover Rebbe (Rabbi Shimon Noson Nuta Biderman of Lelov) that that the words "this time" (בעת הזאת) in the verse, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and rescue will arise for the Jews..." (Esther 4:14) refer to the time of prayer. And as such, the Lelover Rebbe said that this verse teaches that if a person makes himself silent during davening, relief and rescue will come to the Jewish people both in gashmius and ruchnius.

Furthermore, the Sudilkover Rebbe pointed out that the word "this" (זאת) has the same numerical value as the three things that the Machzor says averts an evil decree, "Fasting, Voice, Money" (צום קול ממון). With this in mind, the verse from Megillas Esther can now be read to teach that when people take it upon them selves during this time of teshuvah not speak to others during davening, then relief and recue will certainly arise for them and their descendants.

After reading and reviewing the Rebbe's letter and also the advice of the Degel Machaneh Ephraim, I resolved to put it into practice. I davened each day not to be put in situations where someone would try to talk to me during davening or the reading of the Torah.

I was fortunate to speak with the Rebbe this week on this topic at length. During this time, the Rebbe told me some amazing personal stories and stories from other tzaddikim regarding the importance of not talking to others during davening. At the end of our conversation, he asked some questions that have remained with me and given me pause,

"If we are given 22.5 hours a day when we are permitted to speak with others, why must we encroach on the 1.5 hours that are set aside solely for our conversation with Hashem? Isn't it He alone who provides for all our needs? If we really believe Hashem hears the words we say, how could we ever even think of speaking to others when we are standing before Him in His house? We need to stop speaking to others when we are speaking to Him!"

The Sudilkover Rebbe finished by saying that if we are to display any type of chutzpah before Hashem, it should only be the type of chutzpah that the Degel Machaneh Ephraim wrote about - chutzpah to hold a strong conviction in the efficacy of prayer at specifically those times when we may have doubts.

אמרי פי והגיון לבי

Hisbodedus – a practice simple to perform but difficult for me sustain for any significant period of time. Time after time, I renew my efforts to make time to incorporate it into my schedule, and time after time I end up back where I began; and the years pass with much the same result.

I have read and re-read numerous books on the topic and understood that there was indeed great value in just sitting and saying the words “Ribbono shel Olam”, yet I still found it difficult to devote any significant amount of time to hisbodedus.

Earlier this year, I read the following words in Shevachay HaRan #14, “He [Rebbe Nachman of Breslov] initially found it very difficult to sit alone in a special room for several hours, devoting himself to Hashem. At first this was next to impossible for him. But instead of merely giving up, he forced himself, overcoming his basic nature by spending many hours meditating in his special room.”

Inspired, I retreated to a locked file room at work and began to dedicate a few lunch breaks each week to sitting quietly in the dark and occasionally asking Hashem to give me words to speak to Him. I reasoned that over time this practice would lead to me practicing hisbodedus in earnest.

I was able to maintain this practice for a few weeks without difficulty before I was suddenly besieged with months of unrelenting high priority and urgent taskings at work. Almost overnight I found it close to impossible to escape to the file room. The time I devoted to hisbodedus once again slipped through my fingers.

With the increased workload, my stress level increased exponentially. I began to suffer headaches, tension in my shoulder muscles, and back pains that would last the entire work week and relenting only on Shabbos. Earlier this month, I went out running and very quickly began experiencing pains in my chest. After a mile and half, I could no longer breathe and was forced to stop and walked home. This had never happened to me before in all the years I had been running routinely.

“You really should go see a cardiologist if it happens again,” my father advised. Two days later, it happened again. I had to stop running after running only half a block because the pressure in my chest inhibited my breathing. I then called a cardiologist and went in for an appointment. The doctor assured me that he was 95% sure that it was nothing serious, however, he wanted me to come back for another visit for the treadmill stress test and echo cardiogram in order to cover all the bases.

I returned to the cardiologist’s office earlier this week and was given a clean bill of health after both of these tests. The echo cardiogram, however, did wonders for my emuna. It literally changed the way I looked at the world. In utter amazement, I stared at the screen and watched what was occurring within my chest. Although I already knew that Hashem caused my heart to beat and was familiar with how the heart functions, I had never seen my own heart. I never knew that Hashem was this close to me! He was not overseeing the world from afar, He was right here orchestrating every beat of my heart! Wherever I am, wherever I go, He is there keeping me alive each and every second. I left the doctor’s office and cried; overwhelmed with this new realization – inspired to spend time in hisbodedus again.

And I returned to the file room the next day. Sitting in the darkness, I first concentrated on the beating of my heart and immediately I felt Hashem’s closeness. Opening up my mouth, I was finally able to speak to him longer than I had done in the past. This time it did not feel labored and the time flew by. Hashem was right here in the darkness of the file room with me, right now with each beat of my heart.

First Ever Pathways Weekly Newsletter – Parshat Korach

Received via e-mail from Breslov Research Institute:

The Breslov Research Institute has decided to go in a whole new direction with our weekly emails. For the first time this week we have published the new Pathways Weekly Newsletter - a weekly publication for print! This will allow you to take it along with you wherever you may be. Please feel free to place it in shuls and all other public places. We hope you enjoy.

Download it here.

אַשְׂכִּילָה בְּדֶרֶךְ תָּמִים

I don’t know where I am in the world. All I know is how distant I feel from You, and how much damage I have done. From the time I was young until today, I’ve not had a single day I could call perfect and flawless. Even on those occasions when You helped me arose myself and start trying to serve You, I was never able to persist and keep following the path of holiness for more than a short while. Even when You have helped me, I’ve not had pity on myself. I’ve not tried to stand firm for even a single day. (Likutey Tefillos #13)

In Tribute to a Breslov Pioneer in America

(Click on the image above)

איזהו חסיד, המתחסד עם קונו

This teaching from the Baal Shem Tov appears to encapsulate Chassidus in just two sentences:

Whatever you do, have in mind to give gratification to your Creator, blessed be He, and do not think - even a little - of your own needs. Even the expectation of personal delight from your avodas Hashem is an ulterior motive for one’s own concerns.

(Tzava'as Harivash #11)

How does one become a Breslover Chassid?

Excerpt from Questions and Answers about Breslov:

How does one become a Breslover Chassid? Through hard work! There is no standard admissions procedure and no membership card. Chassidism is by its very nature a voluntary movement. It is up to the individual Jew himself to decide if he wants to be a Chassid, and if so, how much of a Chassid. Every good Chassid would like his children to follow in his footsteps. Yet even those born and brought up in a Chassidic family are ultimately free to choose if they want to carry on the tradition or not. Essentially a Breslover Chassid is someone who has made Rebbe Nachman his guide in life. He looks to Rebbe Nachman's teachings for insight about how to live, and endeavors to carry out his advice in practice. Following the Rebbe means accepting his ideas even when they are contrary to ones own initial thinking. This means having faith in the superior wisdom of the Rebbe. It is like taking medicine on the recommendation of a doctor. You take it without necessarily understanding how or why it works: you have faith that the doctor has a better idea about medicine.

What prompts someone to become a Breslover Chassid?

If you went to all the Chassidim who have come in from outside, you would hear a different story from each one about the unique chain of events which brought him to hear about Rebbe Nachman and become involved. There are people from all kinds of backgrounds. Those brought up as Orthodox Jews include people from Chassidic and non-Chassidic backgrounds. Those from non-Orthodox backgrounds may have been anything from Conservative and Reform or their equivalents to non-affiliated, assimilated or even anti-religious. There are Ashkenazim and Sefardim as well as converts to Judaism. The range of personalities is equally diverse. There is no evidence that any one personality type is more likely to get involved than any other. People hear about Rebbe Nachman and his teachings in many different ways: some from friends or acquaintances, others from strangers or `by accident.' Some have had contact with Breslover communities or with individual Breslover Chassidim. Others found out about Rebbe Nachman from books.

And there are as many ways of being a Breslover Chassid as there are Breslover Chassidim. Rebbe Nachman's writings cover every aspect of Jewish life and open up an enormous variety of different pathways -- more than anyone could hope to explore in a single lifetime. There is no standard Breslov path applicable to everyone, with all the Chassidim b eing required to conform. Rebbe Nachman's appeal is to the individual, to relate to God in his own unique way. Thus a Breslover is not a Jew who happens to be a Chassid as well. His Chassidism is his way to be a Jew -- as best he can.

Each individual Chassid must work out his own way of applying the Rebbe's teachings in the context of his own life. Some do so through their own study of Rebbe Nachman's writings, others in conjunction with a friend, study partner or teacher or through consultation with a manhig. Each Chassid is free to lead his life the way he chooses, and the community makes no efforts to influence anyone in a particular direction. Some devote themselves entirely to Torah and prayer; some are scribes, some teachers, others active in community affairs. Still others are engaged in the whole array of occupations from science and engineering to law, accountancy, business, industry and the arts, etc.

For some Breslover Chassidim participation in the community is an important part of being a Chassid. Someone wanting to pray in the intense way taught by Rebbe Nachman may feel best able to do so in a minyan, prayer-meeting, of others trying to do the same. Many find the community the best focus for study of Rebbe Nachman's writings, and regular shiurim, classes, are arranged.

The community can also be a powerful source of support and encouragement for those trying to practice regular hisbodidus and other practices taught by Rebbe Nachman. On the other hand there are Chassidim who live very far from the major communities and yet are as strong as any in their commitment to the Rebbe's teachings. Even some who live in close proximity to the community may not feel that their connection with the Rebbe requires close involvement in community activities.

What does it mean to call oneself a Breslover Chassid?

It is perfectly possible to study Rebbe Nachman's writings, follow his guidance and interact with Breslover Chassidim without calling oneself a Breslover Chassid. Some are comfortable saying they feel closer to Breslov than anything else. Even if someone does call himself a Breslover Chassid, does that make him one? Who decides?

There is no such thing as a community decision to admit new members, nor is there any kind of initiation making one a fully-fledged Breslover Chassid. Breslover Chassidim do believe that Rebbe Nachman's way is very good and would like to share it with others, so they may try to influence people they think likely to respond. But it is still impossible to make someone else become a Chassid. It is up to the individual himself.

Indeed, the more one grasps Rebbe Nachman's message, the more evident it is that to be a true Breslover Chassid is a very high level. Many would consider it a great achievement to be worthy of the name. Rebbe Nachman demands nothing less than that we be ourselves! That is why being a Breslover Chassid takes hard work! For this reason there are some who do reply that they are Breslover Chassidim when people ask them, but only because they know that most people find labels convenient. In their own hearts they are deeply aware that calling themselves a Breslover Chassid is not a description of their state of being. It is a declaration of intent: `Yes, I study Rebbe Nachman's teachings and I would like to try to be the Jew I should be.'

Becoming a Student of the Degel Machaneh Ephraim

"...and I wrote this for perhaps Hashem will provide that one of my sons or my students will come and understand and expound upon this."

(Degel Machaneh Ephraim, Parshas Beshalach)

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"Anyone who listens to a tzaddik of former times and follows his ways is considered as though he was that tzaddik's student."

(Chovos HaTalmidim, Perek 12)