Dispatches From The Home Front - August Edition

One of my "chores" around the house is vacuuming. Performing this chore presents a reoccurring problem since both my son and daughter are scared to death of the looming presence and monstrous sound of vacuum cleaner. As soon as they see it they start crying. The crying intensifies louder when I plug it in and turn it on. Last Thursday night my daughter instructed me:

"Daddy, Turn it off, Turn it OFF! TURN OFF THE BULLDOZER!!"

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My almost-three year-old daughter will randomly get up on top of an overturned bucket, flail her arms, and sing the words "ROCK'IN in the STYLE!".

Don't ask me. I have no idea where this one comes from.

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Last Wednesday night my daughter was in the playroom arranging all her toys. When my wife asked her what she was doing she replied, "Me making a bris."

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An addition to the bad grammar category:

Me: Where are you?

Her: "Here me are!"

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Toddler Translation:

Shingareen = Figurine [plastic toy] (as in: "Daddy, I want to play with my shingareens!")

Peh-peh-peh-peh= Peppermint Patty (as in: "Mommy, peh-peh-peh-peh!)

Mamamamakeeva = Amar Rabbi Akiva [beginning lyrics from the Uncle Moishy Volume 6 song "Ahavas Yisroel"]