"My Anger Proves That I Am A Total Hypocrite!"
The following is an excerpt from "Kovah Ner Ha-Ma'arovi: A Tribute to Reb Osher Freund, zy"a, on his Sh'loshim, 11 Cheshvan, 5764" written by Rabbi Yisroel Moskowitz:
Rabbi Shmuel Eideles, an elderly Yerushalmi who had been a chassid of the old Bialer Rebbe, zt"l, was a lifelong friend of Reb Osher Freund. He once told me a fascinating anecdote from his youth.
One day, Reb Osher walked into shul looking extremely distraught. To Reb Shmuel's query as to his obvious distress, Reb Osher confessed, "I just realized that my entire avodah is false and worthless! Tzivyah [Reb Osher's rebbetzin, of blessed memory] greatly upset me this morning. I couldn't reason with her, so finally I lost my temper.
"Now, if I really believe what I preach - that everything comes from Hashem, and everything that occurs reflects the Divine intention - how could I get angry at Tzivyah, or be the least bit upset with her? The pain she caused me was solely from Hashem, in order to awaken me from my spiritual sleep. She is a good woman, and surely did not mean it. She was only Hashem's emissary.
"My anger proves that I am a total hypocrite! After years of struggling with myself and preaching emunah and forbearance to others, I realize that I have not changed. I have attained nothing!"
As much as Reb Shmuel tried to appease and calm him, all was in vain.
Finally, Reb Osher became thoughtful silence. Then he declared, "There is only one possible rationale. Maybe Hashem sees that I exhort the chaveirim again and again; sometimes years go by, and I see no change; it seems that I haven't made even a dent in their souls - so I lose patience with them. Therefore, Hashem showed me that I am no better. I, too, have not changed - yet Hashem is patient with me. Similarly, I must never, under any circumstances, lose patience with a chaver!"