Examining My Heart, Examining My Dreams

(Painting by Shoshannah Brombacher)

You examined my heart, You searched at night; You tested me and did not find that my thoughts transgress my mouth. (Tehillim 17:3)

Interpreting this pasuk in a different manner than Rashi, Ibn Ezra explained that Dovid HaMelech is expressing his belief that his words are an honest reflection of his thoughts.

We may pay lip service to lofty and holy concepts and ideals during our waking hours, however our dreams reveal to us our hidden truth. Rebbe Simcha Bunim of Peshischa taught, "Dreams enable us to recall what our mind was engrossed in all day." Indeed, these very dreams reveal to us the "mental residue" of our subconscious. They reveal to us whether our thoughts were truly tied to what we imagined them to be.

Sefer HaMiddos, Emes 44 contains a teaching from Rebbe Nachman of Breslov that gives me pause, "A man can tell from his dreams if his heart is true with G-d."

Is my heart as true as Dovid HaMelech claimed his to be? It would be the height of arrogance for me to answer this question in the affirmative. However, I can honestly tell you that it is a tiny bit "truer" than it was originally before the 21st of Sivan.

My eyes are the gateway to my mind; the purer the sights I see, the purer my thoughts become.