Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Another 40 Days - Reopening The Notebook - Part 1

After completing the first 40 day plan, I spoke to Sudilkover Rebbe on the phone about my experiences. He told me that he read my posting, gotten tremendous chizuk from it, and planned to share it with others who came to see him. The Rebbe then told me he wanted me to start another 40 days to concentrate on the second column of my notebook. From what I had repeatedly written down during the previous 40 days, it was evident what my greatest challenge was; anger.

You may recall from last year that overcoming my anger and having more patience with my children was also my resolution from Rosh Hashana for the new year. However, if I were to hold myself up to strict accountability and grade myself on my progress since then, I would say that I had only progressed from a C+ to a B-.

Although I may raise my voice on occasion, I never hit my children and never scream at them. If they really misbehave, I respond by saying, "That's 1." At the count of three, I pick them up and put them in their room for a few short minutes to show them that their behavior is unacceptable. Afterwards, I don't lecture them, I just let them come downstairs again. On a good day, I only have to count for them to correct their behavior, and on an extremely bad day I might have to put them in their room two or three times.

Whether I am strict or lenient when they misbehave I never get the feeling that I am completely doing the right thing. Sometimes my 3 year-old son comes over and wildly runs and jumps around in the kitchen and family room. A tinge of anger goes off in my mind and I grab him to stop him with a grip that is a bit harder than I would like to admit. It is that tinge of anger that I experience that bothers me. If my wife notices me doing this, she immediately stops me. While I am always grateful that she does, I still feel shame that I acted out of anger.

The Sudilkover Rebbe instructed me to use my notebook and once again divide it into three columns so that I could write down the good points for each of my children each day. He then told me to read what I had written down out loud before I said Krias Shema al HaMita before going to sleep each night.

When the Rebbe first told me this advice, I told him that in my experience that my success or failure with my children on a daily basis seemed to be completely out of my control since success raising children is ultimately in Hashem's hands. I could start the day with the brightest smile, the kindest words, and never-ending patience and still have a day that backfired on me inevitably resulting with me loosing my temper. Whether I did everything right or everything wrong, I could still end up with the same result.

The Rebbe listened to my objections and the stressed once again the importance of using the notebook. He mentioned that he too was not on a level where he considered using a notebook to be beneath him. I ceased my objections and told him that I would start this 40 day plan on that very day. While logically I could not fathom how I would be successful by following this new advice, I decided to put my brain aside and accept his words with the simple faith that indeed there must be something to them.

When I got home that evening, I got the notebook out from the drawer of my nightstand, divided the page into three columns, and started writing down their good points. Immediately, I realized that if I was going to be successful I would need to take the advice I gleaned from the lesson I learned in this posting, and apply it to my children. I also recalled a teaching that I had come across while learning Midrash Pinchas a few days prior regarding the words בַּקֵּשׁ שָׁלוֹם וְרָדְפֵהוּ - peace and pursue it from Tehillim 34:15. There Rabbi Shmuel Voltses, a talmid of Rebbe Raphael of Bershad, taught that to make peace a person does not need to initiate a elaborate global campaign to bring world peace. Rather, he should simply focus on establishing peace with the children in his home and thereby bring peace into his world.

In order to ensure my success, I also resolved to give $18 to tzedaka for every occurrence where I grabbed my son or older daughter out of anger. Before I returned home each day, I would diligently remind myself that there would be a penalty if I lost my temper and I would ask Hashem for help to be successful that evening; keeping in mind the Pele Yoetz's observation,

"It takes great understanding to fathom the workings of a child's mind and to deal with him appropriately."

I spoke with the Sudilkover Rebbe on the phone shortly before he returned home to Ramat Beit Shemesh and gave him a progress report up to that point. I explained my tactic of instituting a fine and also suggested that I might need another 40 days when I was done because of my limited progress controlling my anger with my children. The Rebbe responded,

"Let me tell you something, by using the notebook you are making them better."

Having reviewed Likutey Moharan "Reish Peh Beis" numerous times since he first advised me, I understood that the Rebbe was referring to the concept that one can literally elevate a person when one he judges them favorably and seeks out their good points.

Perhaps it was my conversation with the Rebbe that day that reinvigorated me, however, later that night my wife complimented me how well I had dealt with our kids and their outbursts earlier that evening. This was the very first time I could recall my wife ever making such a comment to me. I didn't know whether to attribute it to the fact that I was just simply in a good mood that day or whether I actually had made a breakthrough. Was it possible that my breakthrough with anger had just occurred 14 days after starting the Rebbe's 40 day plan?

Part II is continued here.


At February 13, 2008 at 10:02:00 PM EST, Blogger Jack Steiner said...

Whether I am strict or lenient when they misbehave I never get the feeling that I am completely doing the right thing.


I know the feeling. Sometimes I think that I am parenting by nothing more than the seat of my pants.

At February 14, 2008 at 12:28:00 AM EST, Blogger Neil Harris said...

Staying focused with things like anger and patiences is as we've read on your blog by others, not so easy. When a parent comes home from a long day at work, each child expects to the first to start telling about the amazing things that happened, or that no one noticed the youngest child eating a 'valuable' base ball card.

Keeping in mind all the good qualities of our kids is so solid advice that it almost hurts!

At October 25, 2019 at 8:00:00 AM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

we as a whole realize that Epson printer disconnected windows 10 are profoundly secure and compactable printing gadget Epson printers assist you with discovering your work profitability through its remote systems administration capacities. in the event that you are looking Customer Care Support Services for your printer, at that point you can visit our sites .much obliged
printer offline windows 10

At November 6, 2019 at 4:52:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Epson Error Code 0xf1 is one of the most common errors that can take place due to a corrupted

registry entry in your system. If your Epson printer is encountering ‘0xf1 Epson Error Code’,

print head will be unable to perform its normal function. To fix Epson error code

, our printer technicians are very experienced to identify actual causes and resolve

it immediately. Our certified technicians have many years of experience of handling any type of

technical error easily. Our techies are available round the clock to help you for any type of

technical troubles.
Epson Printer


Epson windows service disabled error
Epson wireless printer setup

At January 16, 2020 at 12:56:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an Epson printer and using Epson printing machine for printing my important documents. I use it in my official tasks. I prefer it very much because of easiness, quickness and affordability. Epson printer has the amazing, unique and latest features, so it has become the first choice of printer users. But from a few days, My Epson printer is showing offline status, so I am unable to print any important document. I don’t know real reasons of it. So please guys suggest me the easy fixes for Epson printer offline issue.
Epson error code 0xf1

At January 22, 2020 at 2:17:00 AM EST, Blogger corenfozz said...

We are an experienced troubleshooting guide, available round the clock to offer online technical support services for brother printer users. If you want to set up a brother 2270 DW wireless printer or brother 2270dw wireless setup, our printer technicians are technically experienced to set up brother 2270 DW wireless printer in the easy ways.

For printing issue:- brother printer not printing

At January 22, 2020 at 5:09:00 AM EST, Anonymous 6978 said...

Sometimes it is difficult to trust a brand when you have lots of options available for you. Actually, I am thinking to install and set up the HP printer. There are numerous sites available that explain the steps. But I found 6978the best site. I want to confirm from all of you that it is good to take the aid of this website or not. Please give me your suggestion; I would extremely grateful for your help.

At January 22, 2020 at 8:09:00 AM EST, Blogger baroncorrz said...

Thanks for sharing this post, We are an experienced third party technical support provider, available round the clock to offer online technical support services for Epson printer users. If you’re experiencing epson error code 0xf1 problem, you can call certified printer experts to get unlimited technical support or help. Our live phone support is open round the clock to provide unlimited support or help for users.

At January 23, 2020 at 5:19:00 AM EST, Anonymous said...

I am working in a business group, and so my all important tasks and files are saved in my computer system. Due to scattering the virus attacks over the Internet, I want to keep me protected from such types of virus threats, and malicious attacks. So I want to install Norton antivirus on my computer system so that I can protect my important files and data from virus attacks. I have desire to install Norton antivirus program on my system using But I don’t have full knowledge to set up it appropriately. Can you guys explain me the appropriate steps for installing Norton antivirus setup?

At January 24, 2020 at 7:40:00 AM EST, Blogger hpprintercare said...

Are you one of those printer users are running into Hp printer in error state problems? Do you want to get rid of such kind of hurdles with optimum ease? For the complete resolution, you should take help from the real-time aid provider. Here, you can get the suitable solution to your problems in a couple of seconds.

At January 25, 2020 at 12:04:00 AM EST, Blogger Assignment Help said...

Your article is so convincing that I never stop myself from appreciating this. Thank you for posting this. If you are looking for Assignment Help online services and if you want to boost your marks without putting your efforts. If you have time issues, do contact online assignment writing service provider and receive the best assignments as per your job requirements.
Online Assignment Help
Assignment Help Online
Assignment Helper

At January 25, 2020 at 12:49:00 AM EST, Blogger Canon Support said...

While printing any document, you are experiencing canon printer in error state. This warning message can prevent you to work on your printing device. If you’re experiencing this error again and again, you should look for quality technical assistance. If you want to fix this error, you can give us a single call and our trained technicians are available round the clock to know your issue and its reasons. Our technical support experts have good knowledge of handling such types of issues within a few seconds. Our helpline number is open 24/7 to provide the solid solutions for any issue.

At January 25, 2020 at 7:48:00 AM EST, Anonymous Dissertation Help  said...

What an amazing read it was. Thank you so much for sharing useful information with us. In addition, I want to recommend you online Dissertation Help services provider website. This is the best website where you can ask for any kind of help that even at affordable rates.

At January 26, 2020 at 2:15:00 PM EST, Blogger filingbazaar said...

Private Limited Company has perpetual succession, which means the continued existence until it is legally solidified. PLC has endless succession because the company is a separate legal entity. Shareholders and employees act as agents of the company. There are many options in the Indian market to set up a business entity as it can be formed in various forms such as sole proprietorship, partnership firm, LLP, Private company and public company, etc. A private limited company by assurance is the one where member’s liability is limited to the amount that they have decided to undertake at the time of winding up.
Private Limited Company Registration in Delhi

At January 28, 2020 at 11:32:00 PM EST, Blogger Assignment Help said...

Grab Assignment Help USA services to get easy access of online academic writing being in the US. Browse the website of greatassignmenthelp to hire experienced academic writers within your budget. Receive the best deal for your assignment writing.
Assignment Help Online
Online Assignment Help
Assignment Help Online Services
Assignment Helper
Assignment Assistance
Assignment Help Experts
Online Assignment Help Services

At January 29, 2020 at 6:33:00 AM EST, Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks for your blog post, Boost your online Marketing Services it is the best way to promote the online business, Businessman wants to high sales, Then Affordable Seo Services promoting your business website big or small size, so instead of the highest bidder always winning the auction, the bidder with the highest always wins? Digital marketing encompasses all marketing efforts that use over Digital Marketing Services. Businesses leverage digital channels such as Search Engine Optimization Services, PPC Services, Email Marketing Services to connect with current and prospective customers. SEO services don’t make more pressure on your pocket, so you can get the services at discounted rates affordable SEO services Near Me.

At February 8, 2020 at 2:50:00 AM EST, Blogger HP Printer Troubleshooting said...

There are many software tools that HP offering to its users to manage printer device and HP Printer Assistant is one of them. This assistant software is mainly developed for Windows and MAC users. You can manage printing task and get latest driver update with the help of this software.

At February 8, 2020 at 11:25:00 AM EST, Blogger Nicholas Smith said...

This is a really helpful post and very informative, there is no doubt about it. I found this one pretty fascinating and it should go into my collection.
Office 365 Support,
Microsoft Office 365 Support,
Microsoft 365 support,
Microsoft Office Support Number,
Microsoft Office Support Phone Number,
Microsoft Office Customer Service number,
Microsoft Office Help number,
Microsoft Office Phone number,
Microsoft Office Support,
Microsoft office outlook,
Microsoft office 365,
Office Outlook 365,
Outlook Office,
Office 365 Outlook,
Office 365 Outlook,
Outlook Office 365,
Outlook 365 office,
Outlook 365,
Outlook Help Number,
Microsoft Outlook Email,
Outlook Support Number,
Microsoft Outlook Help Number,
Microsoft Outlook Support Number,
Microsoft Outlook Customer Number,
Outlook Tech Support Phone Number,
Outlook Customer Service Phone Number


Post a Comment

<< Home