"The Moment Your "I" Disappears..."
AF commenting on Retaining One's Essential Character:
The word "G-d" was not mentioned once in the whole post. In case you think this is a stupid comment, I think it is indicative of something else: when a person is so focused on what he or she wants, on his or her self, where is the place for G-d? "Is Judaism providing enough for my self-fulfillment?" "Do I feel connected enough to G-d?" How about asking, am I doing enough in my service of the Creator of the Universe?
The question is not even asked as a Halachic issue. It's asked as a social issue. And those that do ask it as a Halachic issue -- what is their motivating force? There are two types of people that look for loopholes and heterim in Halacha. One type wants to make Halacha as comfortable for himself as possible and looks for loopholes (hence trying to split hairs about skirts, mechitzas, shaving during the Sfira, shaving in general, etc.) The other type wants to connect to Kadosh Boruchu as much as possible (hence finding a heter not to wash for seuda shlishis etc., since it is preferable al pi Kabboloh).
The moment your "I" disappears in your equation and worldview, and there only G-d (literally, only Him), and in a small chance there is an "I", it is only in a sense of "how ridiculous is it that He limits Himself and allows this 'I' to exist -- but now that this happened, how can this 'I' fulfill the role for which He created it" -- the moment such a shift in thinking happens, things will become much easier. It's not that you will start liking skirts or I will start liking my ridiculous looking beard. It's that these questions will disappear due to total insignificance.
Perhaps the poster should join one of the groups she mentioned. It's not about a group one joins, however. It's about whether this group puts "Ein od milvado" in the center of its theology and practice, down to minute details.