Simchas Bizyonos

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If I truly understood what I accomplished by suffering bizyonos (disgraces) in silence I would dance for joy every time I someone spoke to me or about me in negative manner. I would arrange a lavish seuda because I would realize that I have removed yet another blemish on my neshoma. I would purchase an expensive gift for the person who disgraced me because this person has given me the opportunity to strengthen my emuna. I would stop thinking about this person while saying the last line of Elokai Netzor and start thinking about them when considering what act of chesed I could do for them. If I truly understood, I would immerse myself in a mikva and put on my kittel in eager anticipation to prepare myself to greet my next bizayon with simcha.

If only even a tiny section of my brain could comprehend the lofty level of the Pnei Menachem of Ger who said that his hobby was to receive bizyonos, or Rebbe of Zlotchov who welcomed them on a daily basis. If only I could internalize the words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe who said, "Opponents are evidence that you are moving forward."

To sweeten the judgments against me, I now thank Hashem in hisbodedus for the person giving me bizyonos. While this thank you may have shades of being disingenuous at the present time, I hope that one day it will indeed be genuine just as my response "very good" is now genuine.