All Of These Thoughts From A Cool Morning Breeze

Leaving my home on the Tuesday morning following Shabbos Nachamu, I first noticed the colder air signaling the approach of the month of Elul and Rosh Hashana.

As soon as my mind turned to thoughts of teshuva, my yetzer hara instantly weighed in, "Teshuva?? You??? Of all people, I really don't think you need to concern yourself with such matters. You do more the most people anyways. What have you done that was really so bad that you need repent for? Everyday you are concerned with tachlis, tachlis, tachlis. Enough already!"

My yetzer hara didn't dissuade me though. I understood that there was a reason that I felt this Elul wind while it was still the month of Av. I then recalled the words of my friend Chabakuk Elisha,

"...it can happen that a spouse and children are forced to live in the unfortunate position of being at the mercy – so to speak – of someone that does not put their concerns first."

Indeed there are often times that I will forgo the opportunity to help my wife clean the house, put away laundry, do dishes, or go food shopping because I would rather engage in a more "lofty" pursuit such as learning Torah. I rationalize to myself that it is not my tachlis to squander my precious free time on menial household tasks. However, I realize that these selfish rationalizations are wrong, and that it IS my tachlis to give and to help others; especially my own family.

Although I certainly hate to admit it, sometimes putting away laundry or helping my wife with some home organizational project is on a higher level than the times when I open a sefer and learn.