Honor, To What Extent?

Excerpt from "The Garden of Peace":

One of my students was preparing to say Mincha, the afternoon prayer service. His wife phoned him and asked him to come home immediately. He told her that in two minutes he was about to pray Mincha with the other students at our yeshiva, and asked if she agreed that he'd come home in another half an hour. She said no and asked him to come home immediately - that's just what he did, and rightfully so, even if it meant praying alone at home.

Let me qualify - the above example is talking about an upright young man who's not looking for excuses to shirk his responsibilities, such as prayer in a minyan with ten other men. Our sages said that sometimes we fulfill Torah by putting our Torah books back on the shelf. Once a wife has the security that she's first place and that her husband will be there when she needs him, then she'll allow her husband to virtually whatever he wants.

My esteemed and beloved teacher Rabbi Eliezer Berland would always tell those of his pupils that had marital problems, "Listen to whatever your wife says. If she tells you to come home, go right away, stay with her at home, and afterwards she'll give you a month's vacation."

If Jewish law can be stretched for the purpose of peace at home - in other words, if the Torah is willing to allow a person to miss a Torah lesson or prayer in a minyan - then a husband should certainly be willing to put aside his own plans, work, or hobbies to fulfill his wife's requests.

When a husband complains that his wife locks him jail, then that husband hasn't given her the feeling that she's first place. When she perceives that other things are more important than she is, she fights against them. Not only that, but her anguish is indescribable when he prefers other interests rather than being with her. So, as soon as he gives her the feeling that she's highest priority in his life, his "jail cell door" becomes unlocked.