Question & Answer With Neil Harris - Difficult Learning

A Simple Jew asks:

Of all the seforim that make up your daily learning seder, what do you have the most difficult time learning?

Neil Harris answers:

While I find Gemara difficult, there is one sefer that I've been going through over the past six months that hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. The Garden of Emuna by Rabbi Shalom Arush and translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody looked very inviting to me when I first saw it. I actually emailed A Simple Jew and asked him about it. As I started reading the first few pages I realized that learning the content of the book wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. I am fairly familiar with basic Breslov concepts and machshavos, but after the first few chapters I sort of got a bad taste in my mouth. I began to get the feeling that I was sort of "ahead" of the target audience for the sefer. Most of what I had read were ideas that were not so new to me. I decided to actually shelf the book and put it out on hold.

It took about me about three weeks before I looked at The Garden of Emuna again. Something kept nagging me about it. I spent a good amount of time in hisbodedus thinking about Rabbi Arush's sefer trying to figure out why I had been turned off to it. I realized, eventually, that my resistance and arrogance regarding the content was simply due to the uncomfortable fact that this book was was what I really needed to read. It's sort of like looking in the mirror one morning and accepting the fact that you'll never really have a full head of hair again.

I have found over the years that I tend to pay close attention to the details of halachic performance and the intellectual aspects of Torah observance (including ideas of emes, avodah, and emuna). Part of my initial draw towards Chassidus (especially Breslov) was the emotional growth it provided (I would not say that I'm a chassid of any sort, but I'm very chassidish-friendly). The Garden of Emuna reminded me of very important foundations of Yiddishkeit that, ironically, I had "put on the shelf" years ago. I am happy to say that, after reading no more than two pages a night, I'm almost finished with the sefer. It as been a growth experience for me. At times difficult, but worth it.