Monday, January 23, 2006

To The Company Who Loves Misery

Why is it that people we see on a regular basis often do not accept the fact that we change? Although our stagnation should be a cause of concern, they expect us to stay the same people we have always been.

Why must we remain broken down on the side of the road while they continue on their journey?

They change; why can't we?

Maybe they are uncomfortable because our change makes them aware of their complacency.

Perhaps it highlights the fact that they too are not living up to their potential.

More thoughts on this subject can be found in Second Guessing Yourself Into Inaction.


At January 23, 2006 at 7:39:00 AM EST, Blogger Tamara said...

Change can also be threatening to people because it can alter the dyamics of your relationship with that person, and they may fear losing you in some sense (even if that fear is groundless).

If a person is vested in a friendship being a certain way, anything that is perceived to change that can be upsetting.

At January 23, 2006 at 7:48:00 AM EST, Blogger A Simple Jew said...

Interesting insight, Tamara. Thank you.

Yet, this still doesn't completely answer the question of why it is a one-way street. Why are we expected to accept their change when they don't accept ours?

At January 23, 2006 at 8:10:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check out this great NCSY movie I saw online - It’s a really nice movie even if you were never involved in NCSY, like myself.

But if you were involved, it looks like they’re putting together a really fun NCSY Alumni Shabbaton this Presidents’ weekend:

At January 23, 2006 at 9:17:00 AM EST, Blogger Shoshana said...

I think it is common to have a desire for other people to need us, and our help in situations, because it makes us feel better and important and needed. Change and growth threatens that and can make us feel like we are no longer needed in the other person's life; it makes us lose our sense of importance. However, it's okay for us to change, because again, that makes us better and more needed. People want to feel like they can offer something to others, like they have wisdom and insight that other people don't have, and other people's growth or change threatens that feeling.

At January 23, 2006 at 9:51:00 AM EST, Blogger A Simple Jew said...

More interesting thoughts. Thank you Shoshana!

At January 23, 2006 at 3:05:00 PM EST, Blogger MC Aryeh said...

I agree with Tamara and Shoshana. Change is threatening to most people. When it comes down to it, most of us like things which are known, clear and settled. We each structure our own little daled amos that way. Change within ourselves is ok because we are an active part of the process, and very often we do not even notice ourselves changing until much later. When someone else changes, it is external, happening without us - and it just makes one more thing in our world which was certain suddenly uncertain. It takes a healthy dose of security and self-esteem to allow for and accept change in others.

At January 23, 2006 at 3:27:00 PM EST, Blogger A Simple Jew said...

MCAryeh: I found this comment to be extremely interesting:

"It takes a healthy dose of security and self-esteem to allow for and accept change in others."

At January 23, 2006 at 7:39:00 PM EST, Blogger American Asshat said...

This is bound to be some kind of play on the Fundamental Attribution Error?

At January 23, 2006 at 7:47:00 PM EST, Blogger A Simple Jew said...

Mirror Plebe: That is to sophisticated for my simple mind. Could you explain what you mean? Thank you :)


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