Question & Answer With Chabakuk Elisha- Observation On Shmiras Einayim

A Simple Jew asks:

Have you noticed that if a person is strict with himself in shmiras einayim, his sensitivity increases, and ironically if he accidently glances at something, he derives more pleasure from that thing that he is not permitted to look at?

Chabakuk Elisha answers:

I know that people say this, but I don't know if it is all that true. Honestly, I don't think that there is a significant difference between the shmiras einayim practitioner and the non-shmiras einayim practioner accidentally seeing something improper. If anything, the "desensitized" non-practitioner is more likely to continue staring while our friend who guards his eyes does not.

#1. Let's first address the concept of shmiras einayim. Shmiras einayim is not about what you see; it's about HOW you see. If someone stares at even the most modestly dressed woman in an improper way, he has violated the shmiras einayim concept. However, if someone was to happen to accidentally see a woman walking on main street in a tank top, but doesn't stare at her improper state of undress, he has not. It is also not about avoidance of "deriving pleasure"– shmiras einayim is practice that sensitizes us; it is about keeping out thoughts holy or pure.

#2. Then there is tznius. Tznius, in general, is a guideline with the stated goal to avoid attracting attention of the opposite sex. I'm not getting into any spiritual or Chassidic interpretations here – tznius in general helps us practice shmiras einayim. Immodest dress can be compared to neon advertisers screaming to be noticed, which is most certainly an obstacle to shmiras einayim. But that doesn't mean that tznius is simply about clothing or elbows or knees; tzinius is really an entire attitude or way of life...

The issue at hand: Chazal say that "The eye sees and the heart desires." I think that this is a simple fact of life - and applies even to someone who is, let's say, used to / cold towards / desensitized to seeing women in various states of undress. Perhaps one could argue that it may not have the same exact effect, I can't really say, but it will always have SOME effect. Moreover, I don't think that there is an advantage to the "desensitized man" – I think his desires only grow. But let's put it this way: I ask you – if one indulges in food, or abstains from such gluttony, how do you think it would affect him? I'd say that the indulger just wants more of his desire fulfilled, not less…

The Maggid of Mezritch was once visited by a local nobleman and his wife, as was common in those days. The Maggid came out to greet the noble couple, and the woman was wearing a gown which revealed more of her body that we would consider tzniusdik, causing the Maggid to immediately vomit upon seeing her. (This was not any avodah – he vomited because he was so spiritually fine tuned that anything improper disgusted him.) His shmiras einayim was fully in place – although his reaction may have been different than ours would be. Shmiras einayim is a method to assist us in becoming less animalistic, and thus, more holy – that's never a disadvantage!

Also, for those who are interested, we touched on this about a year ago, and I would once again refer interested readers to an article on the matter by Rabbi Manis Friedman where I think he puts it very well!

Shmiras Einayim Forum

(Picture courtesy of eyedesignbook.com)

Rabbi Velvel Cheshin once said, "The yetzer hara is not allowed to enter a person except through the eyes." Indeed, shmiras einayim remains one of the greatest daily challenges since a person is literally surrounded on any given day with sights that he is forbidden from gazing at. I have posted on this topic in the past on several occasions and in this posting have collected responses from others on their thoughts and struggles in this area:

Response #1:

The first step in shmiras einayim is to be “holding somewhere”. To be learning, davening and trying to shteig in yiras shamayim. If one is doing that, there is hope. If not, he is like putty in the hands of the yetzer. That is my experience after enumerable periods of both shteiging and yerida. So the question is, how do we guard our eyes when we are in a period of growth.

Again, we need to make a distinction. In the workplace there is often an extreme lack of modesty. But for someone that is in a period of growth, the yetzer for low, blatant untzinusness is fairly weak. It is more revolting and depressing than it is enticing. That doesn’t mean that we don’t’ have to avoid gazing but I don’t feel this is the real battlefield. I assume that we all have had the same experience.

However, the real place of milchama is, b’avonoseinu harabim, in our frum communities where helige bnos Yisroel, try to walk the line between proper, unapologetic tzinus, and “being fashionable”. I was told by my Rav, an adam gadol, that the correct approach is that which is advocated by Rav Chaim Volozhiner. To not walk with one’s head down trying to entirely avoid seeing anything untzinus. My Rav explained that when one does that, unavoidably he will eventually slip and raise his eyes at the wrong time. This has an effect of magnifying the yetzer, and making it burn more strongly and with a sudden force. This can have a very bad, long term effect. Better to walk with one’s head up and a smile on one’s face and ask the Ribbono Shel Olam for siyata d’shmaya to be an ehliche Yid and to not gaze directly. Maybe he will be zoche. And when he does see something, he won’t come to focus on it overly and the image will hopefully pass quickly. I have found his advice to be on the mark.

All that applies when one has to go to mixed areas. When one can avoid the issue entirely, by going out the back door of shul or by taking less walked roads, mah tov u’mah na’im. I don’t remember the exact lashon but Chazal say that one who goes through the marketplace instead of taking an available alternate route, is called a “rasha” even though he didn’t look at anything immodest.

The One Above should help us all to succeed in this area. And we should all have the strength of character to make sure that our own wives and daughters are not creating michsholim.

Response #2:

These measures have not been totally successful, but I think they have helped:

1. No TV set at home

2. Cut back reading of daily local newspaper

3. Cut back reading of material at news-oriented and politically-oriented websites

4. Watch, at most, Weather Channel at hotels

It also helps that I commute by car, although mass transit in my area is so poor that it was never an real option anyway.

One major obstacle lately is all the magazines displayed at supermarket checkout lines, which are hard to avoid seeing. Lately, nearly all the magazines displayed are built around sex and promiscuity.

Response #3:

Rebbe Nachman said that one's neshama is always seeing supernal visions. If one guards his eyes, he can grasp them. If not, he won't experience them at all. Sounds so inspiring, but how do I do it? A constant theme in Rav Nosson of Breslov's writing is that every little movement towards spirituality is inestimably precious. It is worth coming down to the world even for the sake of once in my lifetime avoiding an illicit thought. Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender would say: this is the key to shemiras einayim in our times, since there is a marked lack of tznius and very often the going is rough. The only way is to internalize the preciousness of every time that I do manage to guard my eyes. The biggest problem in this area is giving up after a slip. "Since I already saw something that affected me so negatively, there's no point continuing the struggle any more." The truth is just the opposite. If I failed earlier and need to repent, why does this have any bearing on trying again right now?

Response #4:

Shmiras einayim is difficult for everyone, but especially for those whose work or location brings them in constant contact with the crass culture that surrounds us. The surroundings erode even the natural, inbred modesty that crowns those who were fortunate to grow up in communities in which holiness is the default of everyday living. The eyes promise an immediate reward and most conventional methods do not necessarily work well. Proscriptions, guilt, routines do not compete on the even ground with the immediate pleasure of "looking".

What works better is rising to a spiritual level at which every misstep results in an immediate visceral sense of reduction in holiness (how to rise to such a level before achieving shmiras einayim is a topic for another time). Those who reached the level of sensitivity that enables them to feel spirituality, also to sense its ebbs and flows. Such people know the damage that lack of shmiras einayim causes. The pain of dropping levels is the only true antidote to illicit pleasure.

Response #5:

I find it hard not to be in situations when I am tempted with looking at things/images that might cause hirhurim that are not benificial to my neshama. I am constantly bombarded by images. In my office, people often dress in manner that is rather revealing. My supervisor also is quite fond of wearing low cut clothing, which make me uncomfortable when I am speaking with her. I often (especially in the summer) will walk around my office without my glasses on, to avoid looking at people. Even when I am out at the shopping mall or walking around downtown in the summer, I'll take off my glasses. My wife just chalks it up to be slipping into 'wacky BT mode", but she understands. Also if I am watching something on TV or a DVD with another couple I'll often take off my glasses, while other males will just look at a particular scene or image and make inappropriate comments. We all do what we can do. I'm often refered to as not being 'one of the guys' because I have never bought the Sport Illustrated swimsuit issue. I stand my ground, none the less.

I find it, at times, to even go online to check email or the news because there are so many questionable images even on site like msn.com or cnn.com. The temptations opened up by the internet are very dangerous, IMHO. After attending an internet safety seminar, I installed watchdog software that tracks all site that are visited on my computer. I've explained to our children that mommy checks where abba goes on the internet, just like everyone else who goes online in our home. Starting at a young age with this idea of accountability for web use, I hope will reduce temptation for all of us.

As difficult as shmiras einayim might be, the lasting effect on the imagination is just as challenging. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter's Iggres HaMussar deals with this issue and the constant struggle with the many forms of the yeter hora.

Response #6:

I think the most difficult part of shmiras einayim is with modestly dressed women. As frum Jews we know that looking at immodestly dressed women is forbidden and hopefully will turn away when we see that. When I do see this I say to myself "Velo sosuru acharei levavichem veacharei eineichem" as suggested in Tzetel Koton. However, the guard is down when seeing a woman who is properly dressed, because there is nothing exposed that is forbidden, but it is still forbidden to look at even the small finger of a woman for pleasure. I try to constantly work on this by reading the seforim hakedoshim on this topic and asking for Hashem help in observing shmiras einayim properly. If one has a problem with shmiras einayim this is probably the best thing to do. I definitely understand those who walk through the streets looking down, as suggested in Tzetel Koton.

Response #7:

Lately, I try to recognize that we have the whole world through which to relate to HaShem. From horizon to horizon we have a huge hemisphere full of stimulus. When something comes up that I'm not supposed to see, I remind myself that I don't want my relationship with HaShem to come solely through that source, I don't want to lose the whole world around me. That is what essentially happens when we choose to look at something forbidden. We transition from a direct panim el panim relationship with HaShem to receiving just the merest trickle, the achoraim, of divine revelation that shines through that forbidden view.

--
To conclude on a word of chizuk, this excerpt comes from A Talmid's posting on shmiras einayim:

There is a kabalah passed down from the Vilna Gaon, which is also said by Reb Ahron Roth. If one comes across a forbidden sight, and conquers his yetzer hara and doesn't look, it is a shaas rachamim, a time of mercy from Heaven, and whatever one davens for at that time is mesugal to be accepted.

Question & Answer With Yonason Shmuel Edelstein - Shmiras Einayim

A Simple Jew asks:

I once heard a shiur from Rabbi Yissocher Frand who said that shmiras einayim is an incredibly difficult daily challenge for the working man who has to leave the shelter of his neighborhood and go out into the world. As an unmarried man, do you also find shmiras einayim to be difficult? What techniques have you found to be successful in order to prevent yourself from slipping in this area?

Yonason Shmuel Edelstein answers:

There's a story with Reb Meir Premishlaner – he would hike daily up an icy slope to use the Mikvah. Despite already being an older man, he seemed to make the trip with great ease –an act which prompted a group of youths to attempt the difficult trip themselves. They, however, were unable to successfully make the trek, and returned to the town with bruised and soar. When asked how he managed to make the trip, the Tzaddik replied,

"One who is tied above does not fall below."

This then is the task that one must take upon himself when venturing into the world at large –we must remain tied above, so that come what may we shall not fall below.

There is a famous Chassidic adage concerning a Rashi on Chumash. The Torah tells us that when Yosef Hatzaddik was thrown into the pit by his brothers, 'The pit was empty, it had no water.' Rashi asks 'If the pit was empty, don't we already know that it had no water? Rather it was empty of water, but filled with scorpions and snakes.'

If our minds are empty and void of content then they will become filled with undesirable thoughts and sights –for nature abhors a vacuum. Rather we must work to fill our minds with words of Torah, holy letters, and they will become our thoughts and guide our minds. By saying words of Tehillim or Mishnayos by heart we will not only purify the air, but our lives as well.

Though in our age fasting is looked down upon (for we are a weaker generation) and even Iskafiya –the withholding oneself of world pleasures, particularly in ta'avas ha'achila –lust for food, is rare, by not indulging in every frivolous desire, we keep ourselves purer and refined. Our minds become less gross from the constant inundation of worldliness, which in turn helps keep us away from other, far greater, distractions.

And like the slippery path mentioned in the story of Reb Meir Premishlaner –once one slips, it is ever more difficult to stay up . . . for as one becomes coarse and unrefined through looking in the wrong places, then it further schleps him into an unrefined state.

May it be G-d's will that by increasing our separation from the mundane, we will increase our purity, which we will add in holiness, in turn bringing about the coming of Moshiach.

A Simple Jew responds:

While the theory behind your words is indeed true, the practical application of these ideas is much more difficult. Even a tzaddik like Rebbe Nachman of Breslov had to struggle greatly in this area (see Shivchei HaRan #16). Now that you have provided the theoretical answer to my question, perhaps you could provide a practical answer drawn from your own experiences.

Yonason Shmuel Edelstein answers:

While the philosophical musings of Chassidus on Shmiras Einayim may seem only theoretical, they are in truth quite pragmatic.

I myself can attest that days when I involve myself in learning, daven with more kavana and the like, are days where the nisyonos on the street are far less powerful.

I feel more eidel and therefor to a greater degree, I am more eidel. But as I am only human, at times Yirah Illah and Yirah Tatah just aren't pulling the strings they should . . . when it comes to that point one must come on to emergency measures.

Hesach Hada'as is a must - what ever works to pull my mind to better things . . . A Rosh Yeshivah once paraphrased the Lubavitcher Rebbe (though I have not seen this written anywhere, I must however assume that the Rosh Yeshivah has seen a source) as saying, 'If one is walking in Manhattan and Yichudah Illah just isn't working -get out of there . . . think Baseball!'

One must be careful though, because thinking in matters of Klippas Noga - of the mundane - may stop us from falling into shalosh klippos hatameios - utter impurity - but if one involves himself to long in Klippas Nogah, that itself will serve as a gateway down.

Another tactic is in a slightly mussar'dike way . . . Coming from a chassidisher background, I find it difficult to use pure mussar - yiras ha'onesh and the like; if that works for someone though, who am I to take away from it. I find on a personal level a saying of Reb Hillel Paritcher to be of use, "How can I do such a thing? I, a chossid of the [Alter] Rebbe, a person who has involved himself in purity and holiness, how can I stoop so low? I have a hat, a long coat and a beard! How can I be so foolish to go down that path."

Whichever way works for you, may it work well!

Shmiras Einayim

And for the sin which we have committed before You by a glance of the eye. - from the Yom Kippur prayers

The concept of shmiras einayim, guarding one's eyes, is not something that is widely valued in Western society. It is certainly not valued in places where shmiras halashon, guarding one's tongue, is routinely ignored. A cursory internet search of the phrase "shmiras einayim" comes up with very few results.

Why is this?

Have we perfected our neshomas to the point where we don't need to speak about this concept any longer?

Have we decided that we simply are not affected by the sights that we permit our eyes to see?

Question & Answer With My Yetzer Hara - Shmiras Einayim In The Summer

My Yetzer Hara asks:

After you got rid of your television you are trying to tell me that you are actually attempting to guard your eyes in the summertime; the time of year when shmiras einayim is the most difficult? Do you actually think that you of all people have the will power not to slip in this area at least once or twice a day? Don't you realize what you will miss seeing over the course of your lifetime if you don't use your eyes to see all of Hashem's creations? You never used to have a problem looking at such things - do I need to go back through your historical files and pull up some examples? Why are you making such a big deal of this now? Do you really think you are better than others?

A Simple Jew answers:

Like countless other people, I have gotten trapped by your questions in the past. You craftfully come up with new angles and approaches that catch me off guard and trip me up from time to time. Yet, from your tactics I also learn how to wage a successful battle against you. While my yetzer tov sends a single inclination for kedusha into my brain, you repeatedly nag me with questions and attempt to have me second guess my motives. I will not attempt to answer all the questions you posed above; sometimes no answer is also an answer.

Imagination & Shmiras Einayim

A person usually thinks of imagination as something that runs wild on the occasions that he isn't careful with shmiras einayim. Imagination, however, can actually be an extremely powerful weapon in the battle against the yetzer hara and its desire to run around unchecked in our minds.

Instinctively, a person may glance a second time after seeing a sight that he finds enticing, despite the fact that it may be improper to look at. The mind hasn't fully processed what the eyes have seen in the first split second, yet it knows that there is now something worthy of its attention and desires to get a better look.

This brief moment in time between the first and second glances is where employing the power of imagination is crucial. At this moment, a person must tell himself that he did not see anything at all. Once the brain receives this command signal, it looses its desire to look a second time. A person can than proceed along his way as if nothing happened and maintain his thoughts focusing on matters of kedusha.

Chabakuk Elisha's Comment On His Comment

After commenting here on Rabbi Lazer Brody's answer dealing with the subject of shmiras einayim, Chabakuk Elisha writes:

"The story about Rabbi Elya Lopian represents a certain philosophy - that of the Litvishe baalei Mussar.

I have a lot of respect for them, and the approach has legitimacy. I posted the story because I wanted to emphasize the seriousness of the issue, and this is certainly a matter that is often not given the proper attention. We all must avoid putting ourselves in situations that will lead to sin - and illicit thoughts are included in that category.

However, it is not at all practical or realistic to live life in seclusion - thus, we must go about our business as normal people do. In addition, we must have respect for others - so, special care must be taken not to offend women. Many women in today's society will take offence and assume that you are looking down at them if they are not treated as equals; we must be sure that women are respected and treated with dignity.

Rabbi Manis Friedman often laments at how sad it is that intimacy has been so cheapened that the modern man or woman doesn't think that there is anything wrong with men or women -- who aren't married to each other -- seeing each other as friends, or improperly dressed -- sad as it is, these realties exist, and we must function under these conditions. I don't think that seeing a women dressed improperly on the subway is likely to have the same impact one's mind as it would have 60 years ago - but surely we are not immune.

There are a couple historical & philosophical points to make here:

The Litvishe derech - especially Mussar - is primarily coming out of the Perushim. They would often wrap blindfolds around their eyes when walking in the street, and in many ways they would try not to involve themselves in matters of the world or the body. To be sure, shmiras einayim was a big deal to them.

Chassidim did not look at things the same way, and instead of employing "abstinence" as the proper approach - which often led to ego - Chassidism tries to refine the individual from within. Kedusha is very important to the Chossid, but it is not applied the same way.

The son of a certain Rebbe that I was close to, once read in Noam Elimelech (by Rebbe Elimelech of Lizensk) that one is forbidden to look out of his 4 amos (one's immediate radius). After that, this young man started walking with his head bent down, so that he could be sure not to look out of his immediate space.

His father, the Rebbe, saw this, and asked him what he was doing.

When the son explained how he was following the directive of the Noam Elimelech, his father was visibly upset and explained:

"Chassidus does not want you to walk into trees. The meaning of this directive is to teach us that we should never judge or look askance at another individual! Rebbe Elimelech means that you should be busy with your own 4 amos - your own space - not worrying about someone else's shortcomings. If you have a problem with what you see, work on yourself - tricks are not for chassidim."

Another story...

The previous Viznitzer Rebbe - R' Chaim Meir Hagar z"l - was told by his doctor that he should take a walk every day on the beach for his health. So, every day he would walk with a few of his inner circle along the waters, and his son (the current Viznitzer Rebbe in Israel) would walk next to him.

As it happened, the walk started to come close to where people were swimming, and obviously, were not fully clothed. The Rebbe noticed that his son was gone, and asked where he had disappeared. When they told him that he was afraid to see scantily-clad women, he asked that they go get him - so they did.

There they were, the Rebbe and his son, walking closer to the crowded beach, and continued right into the middle of the crowd. Suddenly, the Rebbe said that he wanted to rest, so he was given the chair that they had brought along - but facing the street and away from the water.

The Rebbe asked, "Why am I facing the street? I want to look out at the water, and witness G-d's wonderful sea!" The embarrassed attendant turned the chair around, and there the Rebbe sat looking out at the sea, in the midst of a crowded beach. The Rebbe turned to his son, and noticed that his eyes were closed - to which, the Rebbe said:

"Moshe, Moshe, G-d created a beautiful world - how sad it is that you can't see beyond..."

Obviously, he was a Rebbe - a Tzaddik - and most of us are not. It is Halachicly problematic (to say the least) for us to go to a beach, or look at improperly dressed women. Unfortunately we are inundated with the stuff everywhere we go, in catalogs, magazines, newspapers, billboards, signs, posters, etc - and we must to our best to avoid looking at the stuff... without a doubt, TV, movies, etc. are to be avoided for a religious person."

Question & Answer With Rabbi Lazer Brody - Part III - Shmiras Einayim

A Simple Jew asks:

What is the modern application of the ruling in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 152:8 that states, "He who gazes, even at the small finger of a woman in order to enjoy its sight, commits a very grave sin."?

Rabbi Lazer Brody answers:

The KSA 152:8 is based on a deoraissa commandment (Num. 15:39), "Velo sasuru", that you should not go astray after the [sights of the] eyes. The Chofetz Chaim gave paramount importance to this commandment, and included it as one of the six perpetual mitzvas that a person must fulfill always (see Mishna Brura, Be'er Halocha, "Klal gadol", Shulchan Aruch 1:1). The Rambam explains that gazing eyes lead to actual forbidden deeds, and therefore prevent a person from making Tshuva (see Rambam, Hilchos Tshuva, 4:4).

The Gemorra states (Brachos 24a), "He who looks at a woman's pinky finger is as though he looked at her private parts," equating looking with outright arayos. Our latter-day poskim, including Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, differentiate between seeing a woman and looking at her. While the former is permissible, the latter - especially when the intent is for personal gratification - is strictly forbidden.

Looking at a woman with the intent of enjoyment blinds and blemishes the soul, according to the leading mussar sforim, particularly "Reshis Chochma" (see Shaar Hayira, Shaar Hakdusha), thereby severely damaging a person's ability to learn Torah and to believe in Hashem. Rebbe Nachman of Breslev writes that impurity enters the soul much faster via the eyes that in does via the mouth. Also, looking at other women weakens a person's relationship with his own wife, according to the Melitzer Rebbe shlit'a.

When a man carries the images of other women in his mind, especially during conjugal relations, he risks having children with terrible character traits (see Gemorra, Nedarim 20b).

The Chofetz Chaim writes that it's preferable to lose every worldly possession rather than transgressing one deoraissa commandment. Therefore, we must execute extreme caution in the use of our eyes. One who watches television and movies almost surely transgresses "Lo sasuru" frequently, heaven forbid. Therefore, the modern application of KSA 152:8 is no movies, no TV, and no pleasure-gazing at women. Those who guard their eyes will surely merit seeing Moshiach tzidkeinu and the rebuilding of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, amen.

--
Visit Rabbi Lazer Brody's website here.

Question & Answer - Part I can be found here.

Question & Answer - Part II can be found here.

A Simple Jew's thought on Shmiras Einayim can be found here.

19 Sivan Links - יט סיון

(Picture by T. Davis)

A Simple Jew: Shmiras Einayim In The Summer

Solitude / Hisbodedus: Spiritual Ascent Through Prayer

Solitude / Hisbodedus: A Meditation Room

Solitude / Hisbodedus: Praying With the Universe

Thursday Links

Zchus Avos Yogen Aleinu: Shmiras Einayim - Thoughts, Stories and Segulas

Be'er Mayim Chaim: Torah Lishmah

Dixie Yid: Seeking volunteer to Translate Bilvavi Video Shiurim

Lazer Beams: A Lasting Connection with the Tzaddik

A Twitching Nerve

(Picture courtesy of spraygraphic.com)

For the past week, a nerve under my right eye has been noticeably twitching non-stop, day and night. A doctor that I know told me this condition usually indicates fatigue or may be the physical manifestation of stress.

While I have tried to get more sleep recently, I understand that I may also need to address a deeper spiritual reason to alleviate this issue. I asked Rabbi Lazer Brody if he thought that the fact that this condition is affecting my eye is indicative of the need for me to be more careful with shmiras einayim, or whether there be something else as well.

Rabbi Brody responded,

"Strengthen bitachon - your eye is looking at some human rather than at Hashem - that's why it's quivering. "

I immediately understood that his answer related back to the Degel Machaneh Ephraim's teaching of trusting only in Hashem and not His intermediary agents. Now, I need to daven to Hashem to allow me be zoche to achieve this.

Shmiras Einayim - A 30 Day Program

Click here to download

Shmiras Einayim

The one who looks at women thinks that there is no sin involved in this and he says: "Have I had sexual relations with her or did I get close to her?" He doesn’t know that the sight of his eyes is a great sin that leads to the sin of forbidden relations.

(Rambam)

Parshas Vayeshev, Shishi - Part II

(Painting by Pieter Bruegel)

Before my meeting with the Sudilkover Rebbe, I asked him about the a teaching supposedly attributed to the Arizal and the Vilna Gaon in which it says that a person can uncover the purpose of why there neshoma was sent down to this world by looking into the parsha and section corresponding for the day they were born. He told me in a phone conversation that the issue of one's tikkun and its connection to the parsha is an extremely complex issue and he said he wanted to speak with me in depth before he could give me his opinion.

I told the Rebbe that I was born on Friday, 25 Kislev 5733 and that this corresponded to the shishi section of Parshas Vayeshev. When I took a look in a Chumash at this section, I found that it dealt with the temptation of Yosef HaTzaddik by Potiphar's wife. For me, it appeared that there is certainly a connection between my suggested tikkun in Parshas Vayeshev, shishi and what I perceived one of my greatest taivas to be.

While I never outright slip in this area, in the area of shmiras einayim sometimes I let my eyes linger one second too long or let a thought linger too long before pushing it out of my mind. I know that for me this taiva continues to be a challenge that is difficult to uproot for me.

When we broached this topic in our three hour conversation, the Sudilkover Rebbe asked me how my relationship was with my wife. I replied that it was fantastic and that I was blessed to have such a wonderful wife. The Rebbe then asked me if my wife knew that I felt this way and asked whether I ever expressed these feelings to my wife. I replied in the affirmative; that I told her every day. The Rebbe told me that he had asked me this question, because if indeed my tikkun was bound up with this taiva, I would have answered that indeed there were problems between my wife and myself.

The Rebbe then told me that the Arizal said this taiva is something that every person struggles with since it is THE nisayon of our generation. The Rebbe related that the Arizal taught that the neshomas of our generation are actually gilgulim of neshomas from the Dor HaMabul (generation of the flood) and Dor Haflaga (generation of dispersion after the tower of Bavel). These generations were characterized by the depravity they exhibited with matters between men and women and it thus no wonder why our generation struggles so greatly with these issues.

He said that while I might interpret Parshas Vayeshev, shishi as applying specifically to my life, that it was not so simple since it applies to everyone; that what I interpreted as a suggested tikkun was not necessarily the case based upon the fact that I had a healthy and loving relationship with my wife.

Our conversation on this topic ended and never got around to identifying the tikkun. Instead we returned to speaking about the necessity of finding only the good points in everything.